It's been awhile and here I am. Usually I right thing's of how I feel in present but for this one, I'm going to tell you what happen and what I experience. 10/09/2011 0310hrs, Sarah came back from Perth for atleast for one week. Saw her, remembered how beautiful she was, how bubbly she is and how she smell's like. Send her home though I don't feel right, was it because I was tired of not sleeping for 2 days? Can't sleep when I reach home, something bothering me. I only felt it when she arrive, when I saw her, did something happen? Theoretically, it's not possible. When to work after which. Night time, drove to Khatib alone. Along the way, sudden rush of mix emotions, lost and confuse, questions to unknown answer. I break down, I literally broke down. Yes, I teared out. All the emotions that have been kept by my mind of numbness finally broke down and I start crying. Driving alone, inside a car, crying. I don't even know why but all I know was it hurt but this hurt is in a form that I can't point the exact location. Not in my heart, not in my soul and not in my emotions. It just hurt yet I can't define the level or explain the pain. Deceived. I keep deceiving myself with my lies. With my optimistic views of things. I can see things that I can't explain but I refuse to accept it, or I make a reason to it. Blinded, and she still mocks me still