I don't know how to explain what I am about to say but I'm gona say it anyways. It's not that I can't explain but I can't find the words that can describe it.

I don't know if this is a curse, I don't know if this is a gift. I'm sure I'm not the only one having it, I'm sure there is many like me. I can't understand everyone's problem, but I can feel when people broke something in the inside. I can feel it when people is sad. Honestly it can. At time's I feel it alot of times at one go that it freaks me out. I get paranoid.

Someone don't seem to feel not apreciated. Feels like he's going no where, feels like people are stepping onto him. I know it's very unlikely he would read this, but hold on bro. I feel your pain, I really do. Have faith, have hope. Don't let it fade. Never let it fade.

It won't help if I said I know how you feel, I gone through that before. It doesn't matter cause you are feeling it now. I know how it feels to be step on. I know how it feels to not be apreciated. I know how it feels like when you 'break' someone down or lament term assist in their inner struggle, that person will hate you or find you irritating. Most of them just disapear as time goes by. I don't expect them to stick with me through my journey but it do sucks. Really it does. It hurts me to know I'm affected by it.

I'm lost half way. I felt emotionless now so I can't say anything. Ironic isn't it. Am I numb to it? OR am I losing it? Weird.

There comes a time in your life, you realise that whatever you did was all wrong. You realised that you don't want to always make people happy. You realised that you want to be happy too. You realised that you want to be selfish to be happy.

All that came to me when she look in my eye and said, "Is that what you really wanted? Don't say it if you don't mean it."

sometimes the same thing scares me. I got a maximum of 3 months till this journey ends. Maybe it will not but probably it will. I know I will fall in this one. That is why it's so scary. I will probably stand back up but the thought that I will fall is not making me feel better. I'm just enjoying the moment right. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, though I don't feel like I'm doing anything right either. I never learn my lesson countless time. I got a feeling this time when I fall, I need to stand on my own without any help. I just want to be happy and make people around me happy.

There are many things I realise as I go. I'm still learning and life is never ending learning.

I thank god for everything. Seriously I do. The past incident that leads to now. Me getting over it and realise this super cool girl. Though I know its only temp, but I honestly from the bottom of my heart, Thank you god.

Wow...this is scary...really it is...I'm just scared...I never seem to learn my lesson...What's with me and people in need of help? Or am I just enjoying the moment? I have no idea...ahah...shiiittt...cut this crap.... secretly im :)

Secret crush? Well, it's a crush and I will be crush secretly.

Normal redbull, ciggies and the sky won't make things better and your fucking silence definately made it worst. Your silence won't make this cloudy sky blue again. Your silence is not the rainbow that make's the world beautiful once more. You just can't be bothered do you? Once again effort is brought up by me. Everything is put up to me.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!

I can't barely think. The more I try to get to know you, the more I realize I don't know you. I don't know the problem you face. Please god, show me a miracle. Make me forget her, make her get back to me, whatever, please make this pain go away. I fucking hate commiting. This is what I get for being true to myself.

I can live alone. I was born alone, I will die alone and I will be in my grave alone but I don't want to grow old alone. Someone once told me, my joke made other's happy but it didn't made me happy. Someone once told me I always put others before me. My mum once told me I need to love myself before loving others. What leads me to this? How can I? Everytime I try to find happpiness, everytime I try to love myself, it hurt so damn much. If karma is true, THEN WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE ALL THIS?! I know I was meant for something good, I just don't know what. I love this beautiful world full of ugly people, I love my friends and definately my family, why is it so hard to love that special someone? Why is it so hard to find my love, why is it so hard to love myself?

The hardest thing in life is,
LOVING SOMEONE THAT DON'T LOVE YOU BACK IN RETURN