When a game who really love game and can spend 24 hrs infront of his console or computer playing game have no mood to play any games at all, something is terribly fucking wrong. Something is wrong really. I have done many stupid things before of which no one have deserve it, but I know this is different. I never felt so sure yet I'm so confuse. This is driving me crazy. It's as if she show no effort at all, I'm so hurt. Honestly I am. When was the last time i hear to sad songs and wishing I'm alone at home for the moment. I can't eat, I can't sleep. It's disturbing. When I thought I grew stronger, this happen. I can't believe how this beautiful lady is making me weak.

I am no fool. I'm not that stupid. I know, I know something is wrong. I just don't know what is. Don't tell me you can't reply because you were friends. We know where you went so just be straight with me. One of the reason I like you is because you are straight forward and your that cool. I felt I was left hanging. Am I a bother to you? Am I nothing but a burden to you? Can someone just tell me what to do? No matter what I do, everything seems wrong. Everything I do it seems I'm being astray. What is going on....Where is the road? Why does everything seems dark? Why am I so lost and there is no one to guide me? Am I suppose to dissapear? Again? My legs are tired I don't want to run. I keep chasing but I can't reach. My mind is tired I can't think anymore. My heart is not even ready, my heart is already tired in the 1st place.


It's been raining this past few days and I dont complain. I like the rain, its cold, it numbs my feelings. It drench me with water, no one will know why exactly my cheek is wet.

I am this pathetic. Confiding in nothing but this imaginary book. This stupid website that no ones read. Begging for a miracle. All my life, I have never seen a miracle happened to me. My wish never came true. My dreams is....It's just a dream. I use to love sleeping, lucid dreams. Dreams that can never happen in reality. Dreams that can never happen and I realize, its just a dream and waking up, looking at my life, it's not even close to my dream. What have I done in my life so terrible that I keep enduring pain when it comes to love? Do I really deserve this? Is love suppose to be pain? What have I done?




The worst part, I'm enduring this pain and she don't even know...............

Life is full of ups and downs. I felt the ups few months ago... I felt the stagnant few weeks ago....Now I felt the downs. It sucks. Really it does. I can't think straight. I kept thingking and thingking but there is nothing on my mind. It really doesn't help that I have this trouble heart. I want to call but it won't be answered. I want to msg but it will be dead within minutes. Everytime I commit, I end up hurting. Everytime in the morning, I hope today would be the day I get to see her beautiful smile. Everytime in the afternoon I hope I get a message from her. Everytime at night, I hope I get to talk to her and everytime I sleep, I hope I get to dream of her. I don't want this to be another journey. I dont want this to end. I dont want her to be another lesson. Can someone or something give me the strength to be strong. I'm tired and I'm weak and I felt I can't do anything right. She's right infront of me but I don't know how to talk to her, how to look at her, how to meet her. I shed tears many times before, but no one have ever deserve it more then her. I don't know what this feeling is. Why do I always run when this happen but I'm not running away this time. Why do I have to play games? Why must there be games? I already know how I feel but why do people keep telling me to play the game. I don't want to. It really hurts not knowing if she still likes me. I miss those endless smses we have. I miss the nights we talk about everything and anything. I felt that I should leave you alone for awhile, but everyone knows I'm not that strong. I don't have many problems because I keep my emotions away but when my emotions comes out, I cant control it. Does she knows how much she means to me? Does she knows she gave me the strength and she also gave me a weakness?


I miss the hugs we shared and I truly miss the kiss that makes me fly.