I just watch a movie that I did not finish few years ago. I found it as a sweet movie. Make me remember the time I always go "awwwww" in this kind of movie. It was nice, how someone can really be there for you, how she can support you and push you on ward. I have always been looking for that. Love eh, always find that theres no such thing as pure love. There is always our own benefit to our action of "love". That this movies are just made believe fairy tales that did not exist. But whenever I see my 2 best buddies in the world, Din and Nisa, then i feel that there is such a pure love. True love does exist. That I too want to find this pure love. I'm recklessly finding and it getting futher from where I started.


I need a girl who is there for me. A girl who will cheer me up when I'm down. A girl who makes me smile when I'm frowning. When I'm down and afraid to cross the road, she would just tap me from the back and say, "hey, just cross the road and don't be afraid, don't look behind just look forward" A girl that is tough enough to give me a kick in the face and say "hey, stop being a pussy." With all this action, she do it with an open heart and putting a smile on her face.

In the end, I'm just like a normal mere man who bleeds when stabbed, who laugh when amused, who frowned when got upset, who shiver in fear when fear stare in the eye, who shed a tear when emotion's build up.

I desire this feeling, and I got to admit that it is empty. Im confused and afraid. At the same time Í'm tired. Im seriously tired of this. I dont feel im moving in the right direction.

I wish I could just tear my chest apart and dig out my heart and show you what I mean litreally. This feeling that I do not understand that I actually. God give us and only us feelings of love for a reason. I am afraid of love. For I am afraid of one sided one. I'm afraid of endless finding and endless failling. I try and I fail. I try and I fail. I know true failure comes when I really stop trying but yet...I'm failling terribly.

Someone once told me, tough love. Very agressive yet very cute and touching. That she too is finding the meaning of love. I really wish and hope and pray that I can show her that. How can I show something that I do not understand or I do not know. How can I teach sumthing that I fail to understand. What am I feeling, why am I feeling this. Trying hard to help someone but in need of real help......

I know this is all mushy and emo shitty..but..sue me.