I can't seem to sleep now adays. I love to dream but my dreams never come true. To dream yet knowing it never came true. Lately I have been thinking. Someone told me, don't think too much. How can I? I'm always thinking about you. You who makes me worry. You who bring me smiles. You who give me knowledge. You who cheer my days. The reason my heart skip a beat whenever my phone rings hoping it's you. You who gave me hope. You who gave me faith.

Someone told me to just tell her. Tell her...Tell her? At times I wonder what stopping me from just telling? I wonder.

What is love? Love is build with not hope, not faith, but build with time. I build hope faith and trust in many of my friends, be it of different or same gender. Time will tell what kind of love it is. The love of my family. The love of my friends. The love of that special someone. Time will tell what kind of love it is. Sometimes I grow confuse, sometimes I wonder. I walk without any regrets, but I wonder at times. I confess that I do regret things that was not said or go unknown. Time will tell how much I love myself. Time will tell what is love. L.O.V.E = Lost on vast emotions. Does that make sense? I am the lost. Why am I feeling this.

Huh? what? who? Sue me?

I just watch a movie that I did not finish few years ago. I found it as a sweet movie. Make me remember the time I always go "awwwww" in this kind of movie. It was nice, how someone can really be there for you, how she can support you and push you on ward. I have always been looking for that. Love eh, always find that theres no such thing as pure love. There is always our own benefit to our action of "love". That this movies are just made believe fairy tales that did not exist. But whenever I see my 2 best buddies in the world, Din and Nisa, then i feel that there is such a pure love. True love does exist. That I too want to find this pure love. I'm recklessly finding and it getting futher from where I started.


I need a girl who is there for me. A girl who will cheer me up when I'm down. A girl who makes me smile when I'm frowning. When I'm down and afraid to cross the road, she would just tap me from the back and say, "hey, just cross the road and don't be afraid, don't look behind just look forward" A girl that is tough enough to give me a kick in the face and say "hey, stop being a pussy." With all this action, she do it with an open heart and putting a smile on her face.

In the end, I'm just like a normal mere man who bleeds when stabbed, who laugh when amused, who frowned when got upset, who shiver in fear when fear stare in the eye, who shed a tear when emotion's build up.

I desire this feeling, and I got to admit that it is empty. Im confused and afraid. At the same time Í'm tired. Im seriously tired of this. I dont feel im moving in the right direction.

I wish I could just tear my chest apart and dig out my heart and show you what I mean litreally. This feeling that I do not understand that I actually. God give us and only us feelings of love for a reason. I am afraid of love. For I am afraid of one sided one. I'm afraid of endless finding and endless failling. I try and I fail. I try and I fail. I know true failure comes when I really stop trying but yet...I'm failling terribly.

Someone once told me, tough love. Very agressive yet very cute and touching. That she too is finding the meaning of love. I really wish and hope and pray that I can show her that. How can I show something that I do not understand or I do not know. How can I teach sumthing that I fail to understand. What am I feeling, why am I feeling this. Trying hard to help someone but in need of real help......

I know this is all mushy and emo shitty..but..sue me.

Can you hear the whispers? Whispers of the wind, begging to be helped. Can you hear the atmospheric changes? Can you feel the endless emotions screaming around? Hectic, it's so hectic. Sounds of a thousand silent screams. It's too noisy. We are to noisy. We are disturbing the trees and the breeze who is asleep. They want their rest. All we do is complain. The trees that live years before us and before our parents, yet they stand in silent not complaining at all. They whisper to us, they whisper for us to keep silent. Enjoy our journey and enjoy peace. Enjoy happines and enjoy nature. We are indeed the damned.